A Crown Princess's Lesson
by MantaI-305Apollo'sChariot
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Elsa loves her math lessons, but isn't quite so thrilled with her writing assignment. She decides to answer it honestly and receives very different feedback from her father and Gerda when they discuss it.


**A/N: Thank you for clicking on my story! I do not own Elsa or her family or the movie itself; they all belong to Disney.**

 **On to the story!**

"Princess Elsa, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, but I'm glad you find it so interesting," Gerda told Elsa as she helped clean up the meltwater all over half the floor from Elsa's latest 'mistake'.

The fourteen-year-old crown princess looked up from where she was trying to mop up the mess. "I don't completely understand it yet, either, but it's all in this book Pa-Dad has," she said truthfully. "He said I'll never need it, but that he'll teach me the new concepts anyway if I want. They're differential equations, and-" Elsa cut herself off when she noticed Gerda frowning at the floor where she was cleaning. "Did I rot out a floorboard again?"

"I don't think so, princess, but you've gotten this carpet all moldy. I'm surprised it's lasted this long," Gerda said gently. "Do you want to see what you think?"

Elsa shook her head and stayed where she was. She would not get anywhere near Gerda; she was terrified of hurting her. "I hope I'm allowed to get a new one," she said after a moment.

"Your parents don't need to buy you a new one, princess. There is a brand-new one in the attic that's just like this one. I shall tell Kai to put it in for you day after tomorrow when your father is in meetings all day for this month. He doesn't need to know," Gerda assured her. At Elsa's puzzled look, she added, "I bought it out of my own salary, Princess Elsa. I knew this would happen sooner or later, and I wanted to make sure you had a carpet in your room."

Elsa's expressive blue eyes filled with tears at Gerda's explanation and snowflakes began floating around her, despite her efforts to keep her emotions at bay. _Gerda spent her own money-probably a lot of it-on a carpet for me? Just so I wouldn't get in trouble for ruining my old one?_

 _Conceal, don't feel._

 _I hate that phrase._

 _That's fine, Elsa, but too bad. You're nothing but a-_ "Shut up! Just shut up!" she cried aloud. "Gerda, why would you do that for me? I'll just ruin that one too!"

Gerda wished the girl would let her give her a hug and just hold her, but she didn't come any closer, knowing it would just frighten Elsa and make her more upset. "I did it because I care about you, Princess Elsa," she said firmly. She gave the princess a reassuring smile. "You might be our crown princess, but you're still just a growing young girl. You're supposed to mess things up, ice powers or no." At fourteen, Elsa was all arms and legs, a skinny little thing not quite done growing yet. Gerda thought Elsa was pretty and that she was growing from a cute little girl into a graceful young lady, although Gerda knew no one else thought that, least of all Elsa herself.

"I mess up _everything_. I'm not supposed to mess up _everything_ ," Elsa said softly, looking down at her clasped hands. She could feel her magic prickling at her fingertips uncomfortably, and she suddenly wished she could just rip those gloves off and fire ice everywhere until that nasty sensation went away. Elsa could still remember what her magic had felt like inside her originally before the accident that had ruined everything. It had felt like…like _part_ of her. Like it was happy with her. It had done what she wanted, too. Now it constantly felt like it wanted to get out, as if it were mad or upset with her for locking it up. _Oh, come on, Elsa, that's so stupid and ridiculous it's not even funny. My stupid powers aren't a person. They don't have feelings. I'm just being asinine._

Gerda frowned at her. "Princess, you do not mess up everything. What about your math or your blueprints you've been making up? They're quite good, and you're only fourteen." Gerda sighed, realizing that the princess wasn't listening at all; she had her eyes scrunched shut, she was holding her hands close to her chest, and her breathing seemed…off. _Elsa's panicking and I don't think she even knows it...she's hyperventilating._ "Princess Elsa. Could you please just look at me for a moment?"

Elsa glanced up at Gerda with tear-filled eyes and took a single step towards her before retreating to the opposite corner of the room. _What was I thinking?! I can't get near Gerda! I might hurt her! What's wrong with me?!_

 _You know what's wrong with you, Elsa. That._ Elsa felt-and heard-ice crackling on the floor, and she instinctively clutched her hands closer to her chest, as if that might make it stop. "Go away, Gerda. Please," she whispered.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Gerda really didn't want to leave Elsa alone like she was. She would only leave if Elsa ordered her to do so.

 _No! No, no, no,_ the lonely part of Elsa's mind demanded. _No, I am not sure and I wish I could have a hug._ But she just looked at Gerda and slowly nodded. "Th…thank you for the carpet," she said quietly.

Elsa plopped herself down on the floor, her back against the door, the second Gerda was gone.

* * *

Two days later, Elsa retreated into her bathroom while Gerda and Kai replaced the carpet. Some of the furniture had to be taken out in the hallway to actually put the carpet in, and this meant her door had to be open. She had peeked out into the hallway curiously (and deliberately stepped out in the hallway for a split second _just because_ ; she hated staying in her room constantly), but then immediately ran into the bathroom when she heard Anna's footsteps. She still didn't understand why she couldn't leave her room when no one was around. The whole point was so that she wouldn't risk hurting anyone, so if she went out for just a little while when no one was around, why was that bad? _You're an embarrassment of a crown princess, Elsa. You hurt Anna. Your room is a permanent time-out, and you know it._

Deep inside, Elsa knew the whole 'isolation in your room' thing wasn't just for her own good and to protect everyone else, but she would never admit it. Her parents _had_ to love her, at least a _little_ bit, right? She knew they liked Anna better; she had always known that, even before the accident. Elsa frowned as she stared at herself in the mirror in the bathroom. That girl in the mirror was growing up on the outside, but inside she still felt like a scared eight-year-old. (She thought she _looked_ younger than fourteen, too, for that matter. A stupid baby.) How could she ever grow up, _really_ grow up, behind a door? Sure, she was very advanced for her age in her lessons, but that was the _only_ grown-up thing about her. Elsa remembered when she'd turned thirteen and her mother said she 'could wear her hair up now', when that really meant she ' _had to_ wear her hair up now'. Elsa still thought she looked like a little kid masquerading as a grown-up with her hair up. She missed her single braid down her back.

And while Elsa had zero interest in romantic mushy things of any kind, she was still a bit curious what Anna, who wasn't even eleven and a half yet, meant when she said she had a crush on Aaron, who was the _only_ servant's kid in the whole castle staff. His dad did outdoor work in the gardens and cleaned the stables, things like that. "His name even starts with the same letter as mine!" Anna had told her happily from out in the hallway. Elsa had just listened curiously from behind her door and said nothing.

Now she listened intently as Anna trotted about in her room right outside the bathroom door.

Elsa thought she might find her room all trashed if Anna stayed in it. _She_ only trashed the room when she made icy messes, which was very often, but Anna would leave her things all over. "Gerda, why's Elsa hiding in the bathroom? Can I see her? Dad's in a stupid meeting today," she heard Anna say. "I think this is the first one he's had in ages and ages, too."

She wanted to say something to Anna, but she didn't dare. She couldn't. _I miss you so much, Anna._ She shakily brushed a tear away and just leaned against the bathroom door listening. _Conceal, don't feel. Elsa, you are frosting the floor. Can't you feel it?_

"Princess Anna, why don't you just go talk to your sister instead? Kai and I are trying to fix the carpet. I don't think Princess Elsa will open her bathroom door, but I'm sure she'd love to hear you talking to her," Gerda said.

Elsa smiled a tiny bit from inside the bathroom. She _did_ love hearing Anna talk to her, even if she couldn't reply. That was the only contact she had with her little sister, even if it was only one-sided.

Anna stamped her foot in frustration. "If Elsa loves me talking to her so much, _why_ won't she say anything but 'Go away, Anna'?" the eleven-year-old demanded. "She ignores me!"

Elsa tried hard to listen through her bathroom door, but all she heard were Gerda's and Anna's footsteps going out into the hallway and then a bit down the hall. _Gerda doesn't want me to hear whatever she tells Anna?_

Elsa's suspicion was right; Gerda had taken Anna down the hall a bit so the crown princess's sharp ears couldn't hear her. "Princess Anna, do you remember what I told you about two years ago? That your sister was hurting and needed help no one was giving?"

Anna nodded, but she was still scowling.

"Well, that's still true, princess. She doesn't know how to do anything else but what she's doing now," Gerda said carefully. "I know it doesn't look like it, but she's lonely." She couldn't very well tell the younger princess that Elsa was being forced to ignore her, that Elsa was frightened of her magic, that Elsa had no family that really truly loved her like they should except for Anna herself.

"Then why won't she talk to me?" Anna asked stubbornly. "I miss her! I bet she's loads taller now and looks all elegant and grown-up. I wanna see Elsa! I haven't even _seen_ her since she was eight! And how come our parents always tell me to quit knocking on Elsa's door? Why do they say she's sick? And I heard Dad practically yelling at her the other day. What was that all about? It's almost like…like they're punishing her for something. What could Elsa have done that's so horrible she can't _talk_ to me? Can't she break the rules just once? I want an Elsa hug!"

Gerda sighed and gave Anna a hug herself. "She wouldn't hug you or anyone else anyway, princess. She's…scared."

Anna frowned. "Elsa was never scared of anything," she said firmly. _And why would she be scared of hugs, of all things? I don't understand._

"She is now, Princess Anna. Think about it this way-she's been in that room since she was three years younger than you are now. 'Normal' things frighten her," Gerda said quietly. "I am not supposed to be letting you talk to her, even, but your sister _needs_ that. Please don't give up on her."

Anna nodded seriously. "I won't. Cross my heart." She paused for a moment before asking hesitantly, "What if Elsa's not the same Elsa I remember when I _do_ get her back?" Anna had no doubt in her mind she would get her big sister back one day. They might be dumb ol' grownups by then or something, but she _would_ get Elsa back. She would. So there.

Gerda took Anna by the hands and looked her straight in the eyes. "You'll love her and help put the broken pieces inside her back together again. Princess, she _won't_ be the same. There is no 'if'. She's hurting and can't fix things on her own. But you know what else? Part of her _will_ be the same Elsa. You and I and everyone else that loves her will just have to help her heal so that 'same Elsa' can show again." Gerda honestly wasn't sure how to help the girl trapped in that room, but she would never give up on her. She could remember a little eight-year-old Elsa before the accident asking what would happen if her father didn't want to keep her anymore or took Anna away from her. Agdar didn't not want to keep her anymore, but he _had_ taken Anna away from her. The poor girl was lonely and frightened and she felt guilty about an _accident_. She needed her baby sister back, that Gerda was sure of. _What if I could get the princesses to actually talk to each other? Would that help?_ With that thought, Gerda put her hands on her hips and gave Anna a serious look. "If I can get you and Elsa to see each other, can you keep your mouth shut? I don't want to get myself or you in trouble. Just this once."

Anna nodded eagerly. "Oh yes!"

* * *

Gerda went back and knocked on the bathroom door. "Princess Elsa, if I let your sister come talk to you, would you like to see her? Just this once?"

Elsa gasped on the other side of the door. "Gerda, I-I…I…you know I can't! I'll…I'll _hurt_ her! And I'm…I'm not allowed to. If Papa finds out, you'll get in trouble, and so will I. Anna too, probably…" _Elsa, you can't see her or get near her, but maybe you could talk to her through the door? That's harmless, isn't it?_ The one thing that worried Elsa about that idea was that talking to Anna would probably trigger her powers all the more. Already ice was tingling in her fingers. It wanted out. _Can't let it out. Conceal, don't feel._ The ice did not obey, but the nasty uncomfortable tingling didn't grow any stronger, either. Elsa glanced at herself in the mirror. Not only was she terrified of hurting Anna again, she really didn't _want_ Anna to see her. That girl in the mirror didn't look sick, really, but she certainly didn't look healthy, either. She was so _pale_ , and there were dark circles under her eyes.

 _I'm nothing but a ghost of the little girl Anna would remember me as._ Elsa smiled humorlessly, remembering the dumb ghost story she'd deliciously enjoyed scaring Anna (and okay, a _little_ bit herself) with before the accident. "There's a poltergeist in the castle," she would whisper, "and every dark and stormy night, it floats out of the castle to regain its strength…" And then, she would raise her voice and pounce on her sister, "so it'll knock our heavy beds over and trap us underneath."

Anna would always gasp and then grin. "And? Finish the story, Elsa!"

"And then the Snow Queen throws the bed off and traps the poltergeist under it!" little Elsa would exclaim happily, eagerly putting herself in the hero-saves-the-day role in the story.

"So there's a poltergeist under my bed?" little Anna would ask in a slightly frightened but mostly awed tone of voice.

"No. It got out and lives in the attic now," little Elsa would reply. More often than not, they would hear banging and stepping noises from up in the attic from Kai putting out buckets or repairing a leak, and this just added ambience and realism to the story, despite both princesses knowing quite well what made the sounds. "And now it's lonely and wants a friend," little Elsa usually finished, which would make Anna frown and ask why the story had to have a sad ending like that and where the poltergeist came from. "No one knows for sure, but people say it's sad because its family didn't want to keep it and tried to lock it away." Inevitably Anna would pounce on little Elsa and pin her to the bed and start tickling her and shouting 'Take that back!', which left both girls collapsing into giggles. They did the same thing every time Elsa told her story.

Present-Elsa put her hand to the mirror, her blue eyes clouded with tears. Had her younger self inserted _her_ into that stupid story, as the abandoned, lonely poltergeist that caused trouble and broke things that everyone was scared of? "I'm the poltergeist," she said softly to her reflection. Then just as quickly, she balled her hands into fists and stared vehemently at her reflection. "I _hate_ you!" she shouted. Ice exploded all over and shattered the mirror, and she crumpled to the floor. "Go away, Gerda! Get Anna away from here! I'll just hurt her!"

Gerda shook her head, not understanding what Elsa was talking about, but she knew Anna couldn't talk to her sister. Not now. It would just agitate her further. "Your room's almost done," she said quietly.

* * *

The next afternoon, Elsa flinched when she heard her father's knock on her door. While she loved him very much, he made her nervous and jumpy, and she always felt like whatever she was doing was wrong when he was with her. _Even when I'm not leaking ice everywhere,_ she thought bitterly. _How am I supposed to ever be good enough if Dad_ never _approves of me?_ "The door is unlocked," she said in her best grown-up voice, and retreated to the other side of the room near the window.

"Did you finish your lessons for today, Elsa?" Agdar asked. "Also, you won't need lessons at all soon. You're far ahead in your mathematics, and you write well enough, too."

Elsa nodded, keeping her hands clasped behind her back. "I like the advanced math best," she said softly. _Elsa, don't look down at the floor. Dad doesn't like it when you do that._

"Well, you can continue studying that as long as you like, but much further advanced than you are now and you'll have to learn on your own," Agdar told her awkwardly. He was honestly quite proud of Elsa's keen affinity for figures and the like, but he didn't feel comfortable admitting that a fourteen-year-old girl knew as much math as he did. Of course, Elsa had far more time on her hands to study than she should, but still. The girl was smart, no way around it. Elsa's writing was adequate for official documents and trade agreements too; she just "sounded" a bit too straightforward in her writing. But that was a style thing; it had nothing to do with Elsa's age. "Let me hear the speech you wrote for the scenario proposed. You were supposed to be calming your citizens down during a food shortage because of a blockade and explaining what you'll be doing." _I'll bet she wrote a perfectly good speech, but won't deliver it well._ That was what almost always happened when he gave Elsa an assignment like that.

Elsa bit her lip and took her speech from the desk. She hated reading speeches to her father; he made her feel nervous. _I'd almost rather give a speech in front of a crowd of people. Well, no I wouldn't. What if I messed up in front of them?_ She sighed and began reading her speech aloud.

"…and if the enemy attacks, I have constructed a secret defense for our country. We _will_ be safe. And the royal family and all of the castle staff will receive the exact same rations as everyone else. Thank you for listening." Elsa glanced shyly up at her father, unsure whether she'd written the right thing or not. She hadn't given away her secret, but deep inside, she knew her distasteful, dangerous self could make a fine weapon. She had hurt Anna when she was eight, and she hadn't meant to do that and her powers had been far weaker then. She could feel it. So she could certainly use that same danger to protect her country, right?

"Elsa, is your 'secret defense' what I think it is?" Agdar demanded. A tiny nod from Elsa told him all he needed to know. "You can't think like that, Elsa! You _cannot_ purposely use your powers as a weapon. What were you thinking?!"

Elsa backed up against the wall, but she lifted her head and looked her father right in the face. "That since I hurt Anna so badly when we were eight and five and I didn't mean to, I could _definitely_ help defend Arendelle if I had to," she explained, her expression determined.

"Then _you_ are in danger! What if the people found out what you are, Elsa? They might call you names, or worse, go after you."

Elsa's blue eyes abruptly began welling with tears. _I'm not a what. I might be defective, but I'm still human. I'm a who, not a what!_ "You told me a ruler puts her country first, not herself," Elsa said, her voice flat. "That means I should be prepared to put myself in danger if it protects Arendelle." _Conceal, don't feel, Elsa. Conceal, don't feel. Stop crying. You're icing the floor. Again._

"It does _not_ mean to go on a suicide mission," Agdar said firmly. "Elsa, you don't understand. People will end up labeling you a witch or something else equally horrible. They might want to kill you. You have to take measures to protect yourself, like what you are supposed to be doing in this room: controlling those powers of yours. I have to protect you whether I want to or not-you're my daughter."

"Why did you even keep me when I was a baby if you dislike me so much and think others will?" Elsa asked softly. _'I have to protect you whether I want to or not'…what's that supposed to mean? Dad, would you have gotten rid of me if I hadn't been your daughter?_ Part of her wanted to rip her gloves off and throw ice all over, but she didn't. She just clasped her hands together tightly, trying to ignore the uncomfortable tingling in her fingertips. _Conceal, don't feel._

Agdar sighed, realizing just what he had said. "You're my daughter, that's why. What kind of father would give away or kill his baby girl?"

"Is…is that the only reason?"

"What other reason do you want, Elsa?"

 _I don't know. That my daddy loved me, I guess. Why would I expect that? I just cause trouble. Don't say anything else, Elsa._ Right that second, Elsa thought she would accept a hug from her father if he offered one, dangerous or not. She just wanted _something_ that would say that Agdar genuinely loved her. Maybe she was just being touchy and her daddy was treating exactly like he was supposed to. She _wasn't_ normal or valuable, after all. She was just…stupid, defective Crown Princess Elsa of Arendelle, trapped in her room because of ice powers she could not control. "I'm sorry, Dad," she said finally. _I'll try to be good so maybe you'll like me better,_ Elsa added silently in her head.

"Don't apologize, Elsa. You are the crown princess; you will be in charge when you're older. You hold your head high and proud, even when you make a mistake," Agdar told her in a much gentler voice.

"Even if I do…that?" Elsa asked hesitantly, looking at the sheen of ice beneath her feet.

"You're going to learn how to control it by the time you're queen and it won't be a problem at all," Agdar said firmly.

"What if I can't?"

Agdar hesitated. _She has a point. What if she can't?_ "You will simply make do. You're smart, Elsa. You'll think of something."

"It's been _six years_ , Dad," Elsa whispered, moving to the window so she could look outside. "And nothing's changed. It's only become worse. I can't…live in here forever. Maybe…maybe you _should_ get rid of me. Just…knock me out so I won't wake up or something…" Elsa felt a stinging slap on her cheek, and she hesitantly touched it in shock. Had her daddy…hit her? He _never_ did that.

Years later, she wouldn't even remember this; she would think it had just been a bad dream, like much of this time had been to her.

"Don't let me _ever_ hear you say something like that again!" Agdar shouted. " _Never!_ You put to sleep a sick pet that won't get better. You do _not_ do that to a human girl, even if she's different like you are. Do you hear me?"

Something inside Elsa broke and made her speak up. "You leave me locked up like a naughty dog or something. What's the difference? My room is a gilded _cage,_ Papa! I miss Anna. I miss being outside. I…I just…I want a home. Somewhere I can't hurt anyone a-and someone would love me. I'm scared. I never measure up, never, ever. I'm just…me. I _hate_ me!"

"You are not 'locked up', Elsa. You can open that door anytime you wish. You don't because you know you shouldn't," Agdar replied, evading the rest of Elsa's outburst. Ice had begun to crawl up the wall behind her, and he backed up. _What did I say to her that set her off? I know I must have said something; Elsa doesn't get upset for no reason…_

 _That's true. But I could talk to Anna through the door, couldn't I? Wait, no I can't. I'd just make Anna all hopeful everything was getting better and I'd make her upset._ "I'm sorry, Dad. I'll be good," Elsa said again after a moment, looking down at the now-icy floor again.

"Elsa. The apology was fine, but don't stare at the floor like that. You are the crown princess, not a servant." Agdar still didn't know what he could do to fix her; she was still the smart, abnormal little girl she'd always been, but _something_ wasn't quite right. Elsa was not supposed to be looking down at the floor every time she tried to have a conversation with him. And he'd seen her talk to Gerda before-she didn't act like that around Gerda. Her expression remained unreadable, but she did seem…better around her somehow. _She's probably just being deferential around me because I'm the king and her father, that's all. She's fine. Maybe I said something that hurt her. She's a teenage girl, and girls are touchy._ "I have something for you," he said, changing the subject. "I'll go get it and be right back."

* * *

"What is it?" Elsa asked curiously a few minutes later. She cautiously poked one of the letter keys, and she jumped when an audible click came from the strange device.

"It's one of those new typewriters. I find it more trouble than it's worth to try to use it for documents and the like-you can't see any mistakes you've made typing, you can't erase mistakes, etc-but I thought you might enjoy fiddling with it since you like mechanical things," Agdar told her. "It's been leaking ink, so…be careful."

"Am I allowed to take it apart?" Elsa's blue eyes looked slightly excited for once at that idea. Maybe she could figure out just how it worked, or make it so her daddy _would_ want to use it by fixing the problems with it.

"I don't care; you can do whatever you like with it, Elsa. Just try not get the ink everywhere."

"I won't. Promise," Elsa replied.

The second Agdar was gone, Elsa locked the door behind him and went back over to her desk. The typewriter was sitting on an old towel, now splotchy with ink. Elsa sighed; if she tried to mess with that thing like she wanted to, she would probably get nasty black ink all over her dress and hands. She'd ruin yet another pair of gloves and her father would be mad at her. _Not if he didn't find out,_ a little voice reminded her. Besides that, she really wanted to actually _touch_ it. _Elsa, you can't do that. You'd just freeze it._ She sighed again and just went over to the window. _I'll just ask Gerda for an old apron so I don't ruin my clothes, and I have plenty of gloves. It'll be fine._

* * *

"Princess, you seem a bit…confused about something," Gerda told Elsa that evening. "Here's the apron you asked for."

Elsa said thank-you and quickly put the apron on before plopping back down at her desk. She did not tell Gerda to leave, even though she knew she probably should. _Gerda still cares about me. I can't let her get anywhere near me, but I don't have to make her leave. Do I?_ Elsa sighed as she poked one of the typewriter keys in irritation.

"Princess Elsa. I know _something_ is wrong. What is it?" Gerda asked in a firmer voice.

"Everything," Elsa muttered, half to herself and half to Gerda. "I'm sorry, Gerda. I shouldn't have said that." _It's rude. I'm not supposed to be rude. Especially not to Gerda._

Gerda frowned. _Everything_ is _wrong…_ "It's perfectly fine, princess. I just wanted to try to help you. Did something go wrong earlier with your father?"

Elsa stiffened all over, and the temperature in the room dropped about ten degrees. "He didn't like something I put in my practice speech," she said flatly. "I said I had a secret weapon to protect Arendelle."

"Your magic?" Gerda was surprised, but she knew that was the only explanation. There was no way it could be anything else if it had made King Agdar mad at the crown princess. Elsa always tried to be good all the time, and while she was obviously capable of getting angry sometimes, she would usually just be upset instead, although she tried to hide that. Gerda narrowed her eyes as the light from the window shone on Elsa's fair skin. "Princess Elsa, turn around, please. Why happened to your cheek? It looks a bit bruised." _Did he hit her? I thought I could at least trust him not to do_ that _to her…_

The temperature dropped further, but Elsa answered without missing a beat. "I knocked something off the top shelf in my closet," she said flatly. When Gerda just stared her down, Elsa just looked down and sighed. Gerda knew exactly what had happened; there was no use trying to fool her. "I told Dad he sh…should knock me out s-so I wouldn't…wake up." _And it's stupid. Why did I even say that? Elsa, you are such an idiot. You can't just run away from your responsibilities._ Elsa felt ice forming beneath her feet, and she abruptly jumped to her feet and retreated all the way into the corner, as far away from Gerda as she could get. _Tell Gerda to leave, Elsa. It's not safe._

 _Conceal, don't feel. Don't let the ice out._

"Your father shouldn't have hit you, but you shouldn't have said that either, princess," Gerda said quietly. She moved over by the door, giving the frightened girl more space, but still not leaving her completely alone. Gerda thought for a moment before adding bluntly, "Willingly letting someone kill you, especially telling them to do it, is still essentially suicide. Why would you say something like that?"

Elsa jerked her gaze back to Gerda, her big blue eyes simultaneously angry and hurt. _Because I hate this. What is the point? I'm dangerous and useless, and I can't have Anna back, and my parents don't really want me. Why do I exist then?_ "I do not wish to talk about it." Elsa's voice had the carefully controlled tone of a young girl trying to be more grown up than she really was.

"That's fine, princess, but you just think about how much that would hurt your sister and your country. You're the crown princess; you're going to be a great queen for us, ice powers or no," Gerda told her firmly.

"I can't control it!" Elsa's gloved hands were clutched in tight fists at her side, ice threatening to leak out again. _Gerda, how can you tell me I'd do a good job taking care of my country when I can't even take care of my own baby sister?_

"Yes, Princess Elsa, you _can_. You could when you were tiny, so you can again. Even if you can't, then use it to your advantage if someone finds out." Gerda paused before continuing, "You are _not_ a monster or a witch, princess. Please remember that."

 _I'm not a witch, but I am a monster._ Elsa schooled her face into a neutral expression and hesitantly nodded.

"What's the worst thing that could happen to you if everyone found out about your magic?"

"They'll kill me," Elsa replied instantly.

"You just told me you wanted that to happen, though, right?" Gerda asked, hoping Elsa would actually think about what she was saying.

Elsa nodded, but then her face scrunched up and she shook her head. "I don't want t' die. I want Anna back," she said softly.

Gerda gave her a reassuring smile from across the room. "That's why you aren't going to ask people to…do that to you, right?"

Elsa shook her head, but said nothing. _That actually makes sense. Thank you, Gerda._

Gerda knew she wasn't supposed to be giving the crown princess 'queen lessons', of all things, but someone had to set Elsa straight. "And your ice powers, Princess Elsa, what you wrote in your speech? That you wanted to use them to defend Arendelle? I think your heart will know what to do if that situation ever came up. The answer might be to keep it hidden. The answer might be to let it all go and run wild. Or, most likely, somewhere in between. And besides that, you do _not_ have to worry about being queen yet. You're only fourteen! Do you understand?"

Elsa smiled ever so slightly and nodded shyly. Maybe Gerda was right. She didn't have to worry about being queen yet, and maybe she could make Anna or Gerda her spokesperson when such time came, since she couldn't see herself ever being good at speeches or public socializing or the like, even if she _could_ control her magic, which was probably a lost cause anyway. Why anything change after six years of the same horrible ice constantly trying to get out? Still…

She said thank-you to Gerda anyway. "At least you made me feel a tiny bit better," she said ruefully.

 _Maybe I'll get to be with Anna again...someday. I hope so, anyways._

 **End.**

 **A/N: This was originally just supposed to be about Elsa getting the typewriter and having fun taking it apart. It turned into...this instead.:P**

 **The first commercially successful typewriter was around 1870 or so, although there were a bunch of earlier models that didn't work as well. The typewriter Agdar gave Elsa was one of those older ones, but it's new to them. :) These were "blind" typewriters, 'cause you had to lift the carriage part to see what you'd typed. This is why Agdar says he doesn't like writing documents with it. Elsa just wants to investigate the mechanical workings of it. :P**

 **This is MantaI-305Apollo'sChariot signing off, over and out!**


End file.
